A Script from a Novel…

I’ve been doing a lot of reading over the past few weeks and thought I’d share a few scripts from a few.

“I am going to prove that I’m not an idiot. I am going to bring my A game and do well on my next exam. They didn’t want to treat me differently from everyone at school because then everyone would want to be treated differently. When I get a degree in math or physics, I will be able to get a job and earn lots of money and be able to pay someone who can look after me and cook my meals and wash my clothes.”

watching-sky

 

“And I remember that night I just cried and cried and cried and your father was really nice about it at risk and he made you dinner and put you to bed. But I said I couldn’t take it anymore and then he got really mad and told me I was being stupid and said I should pull myself together and then I hit him. We had a lot of arguments like that. Your father is really patient but I’m not. And by the end, we stopped talking because we knew it would always end up in a argument and go nowhere. That was when I started spending a lot of time with Peter.”

“When you look at the sky you know you are looking at stars which hundred and thousands of light years away. Some of the stars don’t exist because their light has taken so long to get to us that they are already dead, or have exploded and collapsed.”

“Where do old cars go? Do they head to the junkyard and disappear into pieces of metal scraps or are they repurposed and converted into old fancy limousines? I knew a lady in San Jose. They called her Lolita. She’s always dreamt of being swept away in a long, sleek, black shiny limousine with a license plate that read San Jose Limo. She saw the name many times in her dreams. One day it was to become reality.”

“I listened to the sounds in the garden and then I could hear a bird singing and the traffic noise which was like the tidal wave on a beach and I could hear someone playing music and children shouting and laughing. I looked at the sky a lot. I like looking up at the sky in the garden at night.”

Grieving and Loss

An old friend of mine lost his wife a few months ago and is still grieving considerably over his loss. During that difficult time, as I’ve watched and offered support, I’ve learned quite a great deal about the grieving process.

First, the grieving process takes time and is a very personal and individual experience. I have learned that it is important to acknowledge the grief and allow it to happen. Why? Because it helps ¬†with the healing process. Healing takes time and can’t be forced or rushed. And there is no normal timeframe for grieving. Some people improve within weeks, others months. There are some, whom, after a year experience grief, especially at special occasions such as a birthdays or holidays.

grieving-and-loss

We normally associate grief with the death of a loved one, but any type of loss can cause grief, such as divorce, loss of job, decline in health, a miscarriage, loss of financial stability, etc. Anyone can experience grief and loss. How a person grieves depends on life experience, coping style, nature of the loss, their faith and level of attachment to the loss.

Feelings that one can experience when they are grieving include shock and disbelief, sadness, guilt, anger and fear. Typically after a loss it can be hard to accept what has happened. They may feel numb and have a difficult time believing that the loss really happened.

With sadness, extreme sadness is a typical symptom of grief. People may feel loneliness, despair, or yearning. They may also cry a lot. Some feel guilt or regret a out things they did not did not do or say. They may also feel guilty about feeling relieved when the person dies after a long difficult illness.

Anger can be experienced and they may be angry at God, the doctors or the person who died for abandoning them. A loss can also bring on fears and worries. Some tend to feel helpless, anxious and experience panic attacks. Sometimes the death of a loved one can trigger fears about ones own mortality.

Grief is not only an emotional process, but can cause physical problems as well. For example, insomnia, weight loss or weight gain, fatigue, nausea, etc.

It is important to facilitate the acceptance of the loss and encourage the family to use their support system. It is important to listen, validate that they need time to grieve and honor specific requests of the family and support cultural and religious preferences.

Bereavement is the time after a loss during which grief is experienced and mourning occurs. When the person grieving is able to talk about the loss without having the same intensity of emotion in the beginning, then they have probably reached some level of healing.

My friend continues to heal while burying himself in his self run business, Party Bus SF, where he operates limo style buses. I pray that with time, he will heal but remember and celebrate the memories of her life as they were a wonderful couple.